


Titanium

by Mirca_Mi_Eda



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, Canon Disabled Character, Caretaking, Disease, Gen, On Hiatus, Police, Post Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-23
Updated: 2014-09-17
Packaged: 2018-01-16 17:46:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1356313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mirca_Mi_Eda/pseuds/Mirca_Mi_Eda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a world where titans exist only as a disease, Levi struggles to give Eren the childhood every child deserves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have to start of with saying that english isn't my native language! If anyone would like to be my beta reader please send me a note :D
> 
> (This chapter is more of a prologue than a real chapter! :D)

It was evening when Levi took Eren to the playground . In the evening no other children where there and the teenagers with drugs and beer had not gotten there yet so it was only him and Eren. The sun shone orange over the withered grass.

  
" Are you sure that you aren’t freezing now?" Levi asked and corrected Erens scarf before he lifted him up to sit on the swing. He went behind the swing and when Eren had a steady grip on the ropes he pulled it up a bit before letting go. Eren laughed and shook his head. " It's not that cold , the sun is shining!"

  
" That doesn’t mean it’s not autumn, Eren. " Levi said with a strict tone but Eren didn’t care, he nagged about more speed, higher up! Levi didn’t raise the swing higher up, he couldn’t trust Eren to be able to hold himself steady then. One time he compromised and lifted the swing high but he followed the swing in it’s movement to keep Eren safe. Then he slowed down the swing again and let Eren swing on his own for a while.

  
It was actually becoming colder. Every day was chillier than the last and the frost had begun to find its way up the windows of their apartment. Soon Levi wouldn’t be able to bring Eren out to play in the park, his outside wear would cost too much for their already tight budget. Eren would be really insufferable if he had to be inside the apartment all day , especially now that he could no longer play his video games easily.

  
Levi found no answer to his problems by staring at the sunset so he returned to playing with Eren. Lifted him up to the slide and spun him carefully in the carousel. Played with him until he almost fell asleep in Levis arms.

  


-

  


From early morning Levi was working as a police. He came home to have breakfast and lunch with Eren and some days he would drive him to his doctor appointments. Because of all the breaks Levi had to work long days, otherwise he would not get enough in salary to take care of the two. If he could be home more he would, he hated to have Eren sit at home alone all day .

  
Every night Levi said to Eren that he didn’t need to be awake for breakfast, he could sleep as much as he wanted too so that he wouldn’t be alone so much while Levi was working, but the kid insisted to always be awake on time. They sat together and ate, mostly in silence because Levi was not the one who talked a lot at the dinner table. If Eren went to school , they could talk about it together but he didn’t. The things they talked about the most was something Eren had played with his action figures or a movie or series that Levi borrowed for Eren to watch.

  
At lunch Eren was always a bit more eager at talking and he wanted to know everything about what Levi had done at his work so far, although Levi had usually only gotten to the paperwork at that time. When Levi had cleaned up after them he reminded Eren to be dressed when they would go to the doctor, even if Eren never forgot it.

  
The boy did as he was told which Levi appreciated greatly. Otherwise , everything would have been so much more difficult.

  
When Eren was little, Levi had been forced to only working short days which affected his salary. Eren was a smart boy. When he grew older he started noticing when they were tight on money by how much food he was getting and by how much Levi was working on their budget. He started insisting that Levi could leave him there by himself and now Levi only had to take him there and pick him up afterwards.

  
Almost every night when the weather pleased the, Levi took Eren to the park closest to them to play. If Eren didn’t get to play outside he would have too much energy left and sit up all night watching TV. Another reason Levi took Eren out to play was because he didn’t want Eren to sit inside all day. No child should have to live that way. Not even Levi who had been so malnourished that he didn’t grow appropriately had been forced to sit home all day.

  
Their life followed strict routines. Levi thought it was better that way because then Eren would always know what was going on and what needed to be done. Eren never complained about it.

  


-

  


The summer when Eren turned four Levi decided that he was old enough to play outside. He helped Eren on with his first outside jacket, the arm had been customized so that Eren could be wearing it and Eren had never had such a big smile on his lips. That day not even Levi could help but smile when Eren babbled on about all the things he would do now that he got to play with other children.

  
" We will build castles in the sandbox , and I'll build the biggest tower because I have the best bucket! " Eren said triumphantly, waving his blue bucket with a Spiderman motif printed on the side. He had a matching shovel that was about to fly out of the bucket by Erens swinging but miraculously stayed in place. "Then we'll go to the swings and I will be swinging the fastest of us all!"

Levi nodded and pulled up the zipper on his jacket, helped him on with the regular and the custom made shoe . Eren already had difficulty walking but he could still do it pretty well. " How are you supposed to swing the fastest if you cant even be bothered to clean up your toys after yourself?"

  
"Toys are another matter! It 's not a competition!" Eren insisted, swinging his bucket faster. Levi chuckled. Nothing could destroy Erens mood when he was this eager and happy. That he had learned.

  
"Well , remember that even though your toys aren’t protesting, the other children will. So you can’t bite them." He said with a rather severe ton. . Eren just hummed quickly before he continued to talk about what they would do and what kind of a sand castle they would build.

  
They didn’t build any sandcastles.

  
Levi let Eren walk by his side when they walked to the park. Eren didn’t want to be carried as it would make him look weak, and Eren refused to look weak because he was sure it would be a bad first impression of him. Levi didn’t complain about it, he was glad Eren was trying.

  
When they came to the park Eren looked eagerly at all the children who were there, he tried to decide what he wanted to do first and when Levi suggested the sandbox he immediately rushed there. It was when he said hello to the children that everything went wrong. The first child who looked at him noticed his deformed arm and screamed for his mom, his screaming was joined by the other children who saw Eren and they ran to their parents. Mothers and fathers rushed to their children and lifted them up, trying to see what they had become so afraid of, and when they saw Eren they stepped backwards. Gasping and staring at the young boy who could be nothing but perplexed at their behaviour.

  
Levi went over to Eren and gently patted his head, holding him close. " Eren ... I- "

  
" How dare you bring such a child here? Do you not see that there are healthy children playing here?" a woman interrupted, wagging her finger furiously at Eren who now hid a bit behind Levis leg. His healthy hand balled up into a trembling fist.

  
"There's nothing wrong with him , he can play just as well as your- " hissed Levi, but again he was interrupted.

  
"I do not want my children to...to get that too! Shouldn’t he be playing with other children who have it too? He can’t be here!”

  
Levi put his hand on Erens shoulder, held him tight and pulled him closer to protect him . He answered the parents' complaints and fearful glares with cold facts and sharp, bitter words. Told them that parents like them had no right to raise children. Levi was not someone you talked about behind his back and when he walked away with Eren the park was silent.

  
When they came home Levi helped Eren out of his tailored jacket and custom made shoe. Eren didn’t say anything, his body trembling with anger and disappointment. He quietly placed his bucket with the shovel on the desk at the entrance before he went to brush his teeth. It was only when he was lying in his bed and Levi came to tuck him in that Eren started to cry. Levi sat with him on his lap until he fell asleep, then he laid down with Eren and held him close the whole night.

  


-

  


" It will spread if we don’t amputate his arm and leg. " the doctor said when Eren had left the room to go play. "As you already know, we have only been able to treat the titanium disease by removing the body parts affected by it. If we continue to let it spread he might lose both his arms, legs and…"

  
Levi quickly nodded and tried to stay calm. He knew that the amputation was needed, Eren couldn’t go on suffering his whole life. The problem was that…well, how do you tell a child that he has to loose his arm and leg to be healthy? How do you tell him that he cannot be cured otherwise, even though you have told him repeatedly that there must be a way for him to be recovered from the disease?

  
"I know. I know it must be done. It’s just that we had hoped for something…better" He said. “I'll talk to him about it. "

  
Levi thanked the doctor and got up to get Eren from the play corner. He said nothing about what they would be forced to do, saved that for when they where at home. Instead he treated Eren with a cupcake that Eren happily accepted. A cupcake wouldn’t make the pain any lesser for Eren but it made it a bit easier for Levi. That might be a selfish thought but right now it was all Levi had.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, I hate to beg for comments but I could really use the motivation :D I hope you will enjoy this chapter :D
> 
> (small note, I will be in USA for a few weeks but I will update after that : 3 )

Levi was nineteen years old when the first news of the titanium disease was reported. It was a small article about a family in France found dead, their bodies deformed and rock hard. Somehow their bodies had grown big, almost twice their sizes in some cases, before crystallizing. A few months after that the titanium disease spread over the news like wild fire. 

In the beginning the government simply placed boxes with hand sanitizer in public buildings, recommending that people should be careful with what they touched and that they should wash their clothes more often. Right before Levis twentieth birthday the people realized that simply washing more often wouldn’t save them.

The titanium disease hit the earth like a modern plague, the governments and hospitals couldn’t keep up with how quickly it was spreading and the larger cities lost their footing. Levi could for once be happy that he lived in the suburbs where they had had to manage on their own long before the disease took the people of administration and power.

Evacuation, isolation and shady vaccination programs where words that seemed to permanently have found their place on the newspapers. The few radio stations still running were talking about the doom of humanity and they tried to use as many dramatic and fear-inducing words as possible. Levi was almost twenty-two when the titanium disease hit it’s peak. A quarter of the worlds population lost and more suffering of the disease.

Then it stopped.

Humanity was left to carefully open their windows, peek out and take trembling steps out their doors. Levi celebrated his birthday all by himself, his friends buried months ago, on the same day that a radio announcement was made. They didn’t have a cure but they had control. They could slow down the spread in the victims bodies and after several tests they where sure that the disease didn’t spread from person to person, it was finally safe to go outside again. 

When Levi left his tiny apartment the streets were more crowded than he had thought they would be. They had fear in their eyes, but that fear was mixed with curiosity and hope. Were they really safe now? 

Levi saw friends reuniting, families greet each other with careful hugs and small tears. He had no one to meet again so he continued walking, following the street down to the centre of the suburbs. There what remained of a government where distributing food rations and medicine to those that needed it. At a podium there were a group holding speeches about the strength of the survivors, what the government was doing to fix the broken society and what the survivors could do to help. 

Levi had never really liked the people of authority, and at first he refused to help. He got his food rations and returned to his apartment, not even looking outside. Holed himself up with old newspapers and books he had read several times. Before the disease hit the earth, Levi had almost been illiterate. Now he could read as well as anyone his age. The articles he knew by heart, but he read them anyways. Trying to distract himself from the mix of joy and sadness outside his window.

After a week of sitting alone, listening to the radio that now spurted news of the whole worlds recovery, Levi raised himself up from both the sofa and all of his confused emotions. He walked outside, took a bike that no one owned anymore and decided to find out what the world was all about now. What was working, what still existed… he wanted to know what situation he would be dealing with now that humanity was struggling in the remains.

-

Levi found Eren that day. He had biked his way to the richer part of the suburbs, stopping at the doctors house. Doctor Jaeger had once treated one of Levis many bruises from street fights for free. Levi just wanted to see if he was still alive.

The house was awfully silent. 

It was one of the prettier houses, with a nice white-painted balcony and a garden on the backyard. Levi let the bike fall to the pavement and he walked up to the house. Knocked at the door and hoped that no one would answer because he had no idea what he would say to them, of course he really hoped they would answer too, he didn’t want them dead.

After a few minutes Levi tried the door handle, the door was locked. He thought about giving up, they were probably both dead, the doctor and his wife. Maybe he should just get on his bike and be on his way? He sighed, wanted to be sure before he left them. 

Levi wasn’t as agile in his movement as he had been two years ago. When he jumped over the fence to the backyard the landing was less than graceful and he scraped his knee bloody. Luckily the back door was open and Levi knocked again before stepping in. 

“Hello?” he asked, almost surprised at how hoarse his voice had gotten from hardly talking in a long time. He noticed how alive the house looked. A coffee cup on a table still had some liquid inside it and the radio was buzzing, sometimes piping up with news. But other than that, the house was silent and Levi furrowed his eyebrows. “Hello??” he tried again but there was no answer. 

Then he heard a small whimper from upstairs.

Levi quickly checked the other rooms, he found the doctor dead in his study with his body deformed and swollen. Parts of him rotting away. Levi had to shut the door almost immediately after seeing the body, the room reeked. The doctor had probably done everything in his power to find a cure, dying at his desk with fingers that couldn’t even hold the vials he was working with.

There was nothing more on the first floor so Levi went up the stairs. There were three doors, one slightly ajar. He opened it and stepped inside. The couple had both died, but there was someone alive in the house. A little boy still in his mothers arms, his eyes were red and puffy from crying and when he saw Levi he reached out for him with the most displeased look Levi had ever seen on a baby. By the looks of it the mother probably had died only a few days ago. A sting of guilt hit Levis chest when he recalled the week he had ignored the world outside, sitting alone in his apartment. 

The baby started hitting around himself when Levi wasn’t coming to his aid quick enough, when his tiny fist hit the mothers crystallized body he whimpered. Levi tried to calculate how long the boy had been alone, he looked so hungry and upset it had probably been one or two days at least. 

Levi was about to go pick the boy up when he stopped in his steps. He hesitated. If he did pick up the boy he would have to take care of him. There was no putting him back in his dead mothers lap when he had fed the boy and changed his dirty clothes. Could Levi really deal with the responsibility of taking care of a baby? 

Of course he could just take the baby to the government people, let them deal with it as he went on with his life. The only responsibility Levi would have to deal with was getting the boy to the centre of the suburbs. Levi nodded to himself, trying to reassure him of this before he picked up a blanket that he lifted the boy up with. 

“Do you have a name, kid?” he asked, trying to calm the boy down with his voice. He looked at the mother, hoped that she would see that her baby boy would be safe now . She could go to heaven or wherever they went when they died now. 

The other doors led to a toilet and a nursery. Normally Levi would have had someone else do the dirty work but there was no one else to help him. Also, after seeing his friends bodies grow deformed and helping them when they no longer had control over their inner organs, he wasn’t that much of a clean freak anymore.

It wouldn’t nearly be enough with just changing the baby’s clothes and cleaning him up a bit. He was in desperate need of a bath but Levi couldn’t find water for that so he decided the government people would have to take care of it. 

When Levi had changed the boy’s clothing and given him a bottle of powdered milk, there hadn’t been enough water in the tank for a whole bottle, he looked around the room for supplies he should bring with the boy. He saw an embroidery, framed and neatly placed on a shelf, with a name and a time of birth. “Eren, huh?” Levi looked at the by, Eren, and put the embroidery in a baby bag. Might be good if they had some info on him.

Levi didn’t actually know when he decided to raise the boy himself. Probably when he noticed that he had walked past the centre, continuing home with Eren. He had stopped and looked back at the centre but he didn’t turn around. Instead he walked home and gave the boy a much needed bath. When the government wanted the survivors registered, Levi wrote his name as Levi Jaeger, Levi didn’t have a surname of his own so why not make it simple? He didn’t write Eren as his son, couldn’t dream of stealing that spot, but he wrote himself as his caretaker. When the government wanted the survivors to move to the big blocks of flats in the main city to make it simple with water and electricity Levi was quick to find them an apartment as close to the ground as possible. The disease didn’t spread from person to person but Levi had heard it could pass on to children. He wanted to make sure that Eren wouldn’t have to climb to many stairs if he suffered titanium like his parents. 

Humanity slowly recovered, rebuild and started over. Soon schools, work places and shops were working again. Levi found himself a job at the police station now that they didn’t have his criminal record. Eren was diagnosed with titanium but the doctors could slow it down with medicine. 

The struggle of survival was over. 

The struggle of growing up with a disease everyone feared was only beginning.


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me forever but I've had a lot to do! Sorry! I'll try to get the next chapter out quicker :D

_He was a monster, his heavy steps made the roads crack and his roar was bloodcurdling to say the least. They stared at him with their wide eyes and they were trembling so hard he could almost feel the vibrations. At first he didn’t know why they feared him, he never knew, but he didn’t put much thought into that. There were far more important things to be concerned with and he stepped on, walking through streets emptying before him and smashing windows where he had seen them peeking at him. They were so afraid and it made him angry. He didn’t know what made them this afraid but every time he looked back his footprints where pools of blood and he suspected it might have been his own fault all along…_

“Eren, wake up.” Levis voice was slightly muffled by the syringe he held between his lips. He cursed himself for not throwing away the empty bottles, now he had to search through the entire medical box to find one that still had some liquid in it. It was two A.M. and time for Erens medication. Even hours, six times a day. Levi had found it hard in the beginning, to never get a full nights rest, but he had adapted. He still didn’t like waking Eren up, a growing boy should have his nine hours of sleep undisturbed, but to give him the shot while he slept had never proven successful. Eren always woke up with such a jolt that the needle would break off. “Time for your shot.”

_They were gathering to fight him. Their little swords sharp and ready to cut in his titan flesh. Carve in it. Take samples of it. He would swat them off like flies when they tried climbing him, stomp on them when they pointed their swords at him. They looked so angry with his existence, with his wrecking of their homes but he had never wanted to destroy anything. It happened because they were afraid and he couldn’t handle it. But he could handle anger, it was their fear that sliced harder than their swords. He had seen this scene so often, so many times before. They were gathering around him, shouting at him and not understanding that he wasn’t the real problem. At least he didn’t want to be…_

“Eeereeen…” Levi was never in a good mood when he had to wake up that early. When the sun still lay asleep he should too. He softly patted at Erens shoulder and tried to wake him up but Eren had one of his nightmares, Levi knew the signs of it. His furrowed eyebrows and that light panting, clenching both of his fists even though it hurt to move the deformed one. “Eren, wake up. The sooner you wake up the sooner we can go back to sleep…”

_He was all alone in darkness, not a monster anymore but stuck and unable to move. Attached and pressing on him, the dark and warm flesh was pulsating. Moving softly and embracing him but he felt as if he was suffocating. When he tried to move the flesh was holding him back, everything was so heavy. He was so heavy. Sometimes he thought he could just stop moving all together…_

Levi yawned and gently shook Erens shoulders. Maybe he would wake up with ease this time. Maybe this time Levi didn’t have to pinch him awake, he disliked doing it because he would always have to pinch so hard it left a small mark. Eren already had so many small marks and Levi noticed they where more of them now, growing up his deformed arm and leg. He sighed, they couldn’t go wishing for a cure forever.

_Maybe he could stop moving all together. It would be so easy, he would do no destruction if he didn’t move. The flesh would embrace him and hold him close. Keeping him safe. Maybe he could just stop…_

Eren woke up with a surprised and slightly pained gasp. He tried to focus but everything was so blurry, so confusing. Only when Levi gave his arm a light pat did he know where he was, what he was. A small red mark on his arm told him how heavy he had been sleeping.

“Good, you’re finally awake.” Levi helped him sit up and stuffed the pillows behind him to keep him that way. He moved from the chair to the bedside and sat down next to him. “It’s time for your shot.”

Eren, still drowsy from sleeping, nodded and drank from the glass of water Levi offered him. He tried to remember his dream but everything was fuzzy. Maybe that was for the better, Levi always looked a bit concerned when he had been dreaming nightmares. When he was done drinking he held out his arm for Levi.

“Do you remember what you were dreaming about?” Levi asked while he was dabbing antiseptic where Eren would take the shot, that area was already freckled with earlier shots. When Eren shook his head Levi nodded and tapped the syringe, pushed the plunger to get rid of air bubbles. “Maybe that’s for the better, it didn’t seem like a very pleasant dream.”

“They never are.” Eren muttered, trying not to flinch when the needle penetrated his skin. He was getting pretty used to it but it still hurt. The part when he felt the liquid was the worst though and he swallowed, clenching his teeth.

Levi hummed and when the syringe was empty he pulled out the needle and wiped away the little drop of blood. “We should have you see some happier movies instead of those monster flicks. Maybe that would get you to sleep better.” Even though the TV was working there was nothing new to show, except for some boring talk shows. Eren saw the same movies Levi sometimes sneaked in on cinemas to see when he was a kid. Even if the world was slowly rebuilding and gaining a steady ground to stand on, those small pieces of former every day life were lost on them. It would probably take years to get them back.

“I’m not scared of movies, I’m not a baby!” Eren followed Levis hands with his eyes. They were rough and hard, callous at his thumbs, but they could be gentle. Levi never talked about his past with Eren, said that it wasn’t important and that they should focus on their life as it was now. There wasn’t much to focus on though, Eren thought bitterly, except for the titanium disease and how shitty the world was. Levi always tried to keep a light tone but his criticism on society sneaked through anyways.

Levi chuckled, always relieved to see sparks of a flame burning in Eren. Eren was a strong boy, he had a rare ability to keep fighting that Levi liked. Levi would never call himself Erens father, that was something he would never steal from the doctor, but he would be proud to call Eren his kid. It was hard not to see him as that too, he had raised him. “Well, you think you can go back to sleep?”

Because of Erens bad sleeping habits he sometimes couldn’t go back to sleep after getting his shot. He didn’t go to school and the only times he left their apartment was when he had a doctors appointment. If he didn’t sleep during the night he could easily sleep when Levi was at work. This time though, Eren simply nodded and yawned. Levi removed the pillows and helped him lay down, Eren could do it on his own but he was tired and Levi didn’t mind helping.

“Try to dream something nicer this time around.” Levi ruffled his hair and pulled the blanket over him. “Like ponies or something.”

Eren was quick asleep and Levi watched him for a few minutes to check for nightmares or complications from the medicine. When he realised he had almost fallen asleep in the chair he left the room and walked towards his own, picking up toys and things and placing them in their right places. He still hadn’t told Eren about the amputation, wanted to plan it out and make sure that he told him in the right way. It seemed like it was getting too late for that now though, with those marks blossoming up his limbs they couldn’t take the risk of waiting anymore. Levis chest was heavy with emotions alike those he had when he had hid in his apartment during the time of the pandemic. Eren needed the amputation.


	4. Chapter 4

“It’s a pleasure to be back on the force.” Erwin Smith wore a proud smile with his tailored suit, not a hair out of place. He stood with a straight back and the coffee cup he had been offered as a welcome gift he held in a strong grip. Everything about him shone with the rightfulness of a leader and it was obvious he would handle the job perfectly. Everything was right about him except for his arm. Only his left one remained. 

Levi wouldn’t have cared much about their new employee, as the world rebuilt they got lots of much needed recruits. The faces Levi had tried to remember in the beginning faded quickly as they were positioned in other stations or placed in nightshifts. It had gotten too tiresome to remember everyone he would hardly ever meet again so Levi had stopped caring about them unless he was sure they would work close to him. Erwin was an exception and it was mostly because of that missing arm. It could have been an accident, something that had been gone for a long time, but Levi was sure it was titanium that had taken it. He could see the same small red marks close to Erwins neck as the ones Eren had on his arm and leg. 

Erwin had prepared a short speech about his return but Levis head was too filled with thoughts about the disease and amputations and what not to pay the speech any attention. He remained leaned back in his chair, reports in his hand and a teacup growing cold on his desk. There had been a few other recruits who had lost limbs because of the disease but almost all of them were self-pitying, asking for reduced working hours and bigger bonuses. Not really the role-models Levi was looking for. 

Erwin was a different case. Levi hadn’t even noticed the missing arm before he saw that Erwin had to put his papers down to accept his coffee cup. Erwin just seemed so complete even without it. If he could go on like that, maybe Eren could too…?

“I hope we’ll all get along nicely.” Erwin finished and the officers close to him smiled, agreeing. He was pointed and shown to the desk next to Levis, the one Levi had used for some stacks of paper he now quickly removed, and Erwin flashed him one of his standard greeting smiles. Only when he saw Levis eyes did his smile falter the least, now he showed a more genuine and slightly amused one. 

“So, are you my new partner then?” Erwin sat down at his desk, putting his cup down on the table neither drink coaster nor napkin, and he reached over with some papers Levi had forgotten to pick up. “Would you mind introducing yourself to me?”

“Levi Ackerman, but don’t bother with any “Mr Ackerman”-shit.” Levi had never been described as a person with a pleasant first impression on others and sometimes he bordered on rude, even with people of authority. This was one of those times. “What happened to your arm?” 

Erwins eyes widened and he let out a breathy laughter, leaning back a bit in his chair and trying to see if Levi was being serious with his question. When he saw Levis stern look and fingers impatiently tapping on his desk he cleared his throat. “You know what happened to it. I see the way you are looking at the skin marks on my neck, you know it was the disease. If that bothers you, please don’t hesitate about asking for a new partner.” 

Erwins voice held a tone Levi knew all too well. He had heard it with almost every survivor who had gotten all too used to being rejected and feared. When Eren spoke with new nurses or hospital teachers he also had it and Levi hated that a young boy had developed that tone in his speech.

“It doesn’t bother me.” Levi didn’t hurry with his response, still Erwin seemed relieved with it. “Why did you decide to cut it off?”

Erwin was seemingly confused about Levis interest in the subject but instead of cutting the discussion short he takes a sip of coffee and smiles. “The decision wasn’t one I was willing to make but I really had no choice if I wanted to live. As you can see the disease was spreading up to my neck and once it gets to your spine there’s no saving you. The choice between an arm and my life was easy.” 

“Yeah…” Levi knew what Erwin was talking about but he wasn’t sure Eren would. He hadn’t actually given Eren a chance to accept the amputation or decline it yet. Eren was a strong boy but amputation was a big thing to handle. “How is it like to loose it?” 

Erwin thought about the question for a while before laughing a bit. “Well, I guess it’s a bit hard in the beginning, waking up and trying to stretch out your arm to turn of the alarm only to notice there’s no arm to stretch. Clothing was a bit complicated first, buttons for example, and many things that require two hands take some time get used to.” His smile stiffened. “There was a time I seriously considered giving up but I got over that quickly.” 

“How?” This was the first conversation Levi had had with an adult in a while that hadn’t been about his job or Erens disease. He wasn’t used to it and he himself got a bit irritated at the way he talked. 

Erwins smile widened and he had some pride in his eyes. “I thought about humanity. We lost so many and if I died too the death toll would rise, nothing else. If I lived I could actually do something to help humanity get back on it’s feet. I’m no doctor or researcher but I can protect the people while they find the answer and I can keep them safe when they go to research it. That’s a good reason to live, isn’t it?” 

“Sure is…” But how would a child understand that? A child who had never had a friend in his own age and had been treated like he was nothing else but a bearer of disease. How would he understand what humanity was worth when the side he had seen was so rotten? 

They sat in silence for a while before Erwin got up to get more coffee, he looked at Levi and smiled. “You’re an odd case, aren’t you?” 

Levi flinched and looked up at Erwin with suspicion in his eyes. He had heard things like that before, with him being weird for various reasons. He had never liked it and he was well prepared to make Erwin drop the coffee cup with a sharp hit. “How come?” he asked with badly hidden bitterness in his voice. 

“You don’t pity me and you aren’t disgusted or scared either. You’re straightforward to the point of being rude.” Erwins smirked. “I like that.” 

As he turned and walked away to get his coffee, Levi stared at his back with more questions echoing in his head than before. Fuck that man and fuck his smile, he thought and turned to his desk, started working at the neat stack of papers in front of him. He felt no closer to a solution than before but somehow the lump in his chest had gotten a bit lighter. 

 

~~~

Erens eyes were wide with shock and disbelief. Somewhere deep down he had known it was bound to happen but he had refused the thought, pushed it back, and now it hit him hard. His little fist tightened around the crutch handle and he stepped back with his healthy leg. “Amputation…that’s cutting them off, right?” 

Levi nodded, he had gotten down on his knee like he always did when he had to discuss something serious with Eren. “Cutting them off, your left arm at the shoulder and your left leg at the knee. After they’ve done that you’ll be free of the disease, but only if you do it soon, before it spreads.” 

“Then I’ll loose my arm and my leg. They won’t be fixed.” Erens voice was hard to interpret, he tried to keep himself strong and controlled. He had grown up with a man who only seemed to show anger and irritation and that had rubbed off on him. 

“If we wait for a cure it can spread. Go to your spine and stuff. This seems to be the only way we can get you out of it unless we keep on wishing for a miracle.” Levi glanced at the grotesque deformation that was Erens leg before meeting his eyes again. “Getting your leg and arm removed wont be the end of you, you know.”

Eren furrowed his eyebrows, he tightened his fist harder. “Yeah, but how am I gonna do anything?! How am I gonna play with other kids and run around with them if I don’t have a leg?” His body was shaking with anger and disappointment. “How am I gonna be normal?!” 

Levi was silent for a few of Erens panting breaths before he talked. “There’s nothing normal anymore, Eren, and you know that. Everyone knows that but they keep clinging to whatever illusion they have of it because they are to stupid to move on and live in the world we have now. You know that and you need to loose your arm and leg so you can make the best out of your life. We need to move on and stop clutching at that miracle, Eren.”

“I’m…” Eren was still angry but he pushed it down and turned around. “Goodnight, Levi.” His voice trembled but Levi knew he wasn’t angry at him, he was angry at the titanium eating his body. Levi helped Eren get in bed and patted his hair before he turned out the light in Erens room and went to sit in the living room couch. He knew he himself was still wishing for that miracle, no matter how deep he buried it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha I hate to beg but some comments could really raise my spirit about writing >///


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to give a huge Thank You!!! to anyone who has read, bookmarked, kudo'ed(?) and/or commented my story! <3  
> (Oh, and not all character ages match up to the original story. Ex. Connie is a teenager while Eren is a child. Please keep that in mind :D I'll be more clear about that from now on ^^)

Even if the world trembled in its remains, criminals still found time and ways to hurt it more. There shouldn’t even be a need to steal from the houses people lived in with all the deserted areas around them and yet the families and others who had been through so much had to suffer burglary on top of it. 

“I guess those fuckers likes the rush.” Levi muttered as he and Erwin walked up to the latest block of flats to suffer a robbery. “If I wanted something I’d go take it from one of those abandoned houses, why the fuck do they need to take it directly from someone…?!”

“You know, taking from one of those houses would still be stealing… We need all the materials we can gather to rebuild.” When Erwin said “we” he meant humanity, Levi had figured that out quickly. “You would pretty much be taking from our future.”

“Tch, leaving them there rotting won’t help us much either, you want to blame mother nature for stealing them?” Levi knew it was hopeless, Erwin would have some smart answer to come back with… A really irritating man. “Which floor?” 

Erwin looked at his phone and stepped inside the elevator to push one of the rusty buttons. “Third, they said that the robbers have left but they want us to check if there’s anything we can use as evidence. To identify the robbers.”

“You won’t be getting anywhere, standing there. The elevators work only in the newer buildings, closer to the centre of the city.” Levi said, trying to hide the hint of triumph in his voice. There was always a small success in outsmarting Erwin. Even if it was only in knowledge of the area. He started walking up the stairs and Erwin followed him with a small smirk planted on his lips.

The third floor was a mess. Old newspapers covered the floor and the dust was so thick their shoes hardly made traces in it. Water from leaky pipes had left traces of mould on the walls and Levi could almost taste the smell,. He glanced at Erwin, wondered if he would have the grimace of a rich boy too good for this kind of place, but Erwin simply walked past him to the door with the right number. He had a polite but firm way of knocking and when the old couple answered the door he spared no time for idle chat. 

“Good morning. You’re the Springer’s, I presume?” Erwin waited for them to nod before he continued. “We are here to investigate your home and to make a list of what got stolen.”

The couple stepped back to let them inside and the elderly woman was quick to offer them coffee, Erwin was equally as quick to decline it. “So, let’s start with the list, shall we?” He took a notepad from his pocket and sat down with the couple.

There was no sign of a break in, Levi noticed. The lock on the door was intact, hardly a scratch, and the windows couldn’t be opened except for a small one with a net permanently attached to the frame. With his eyebrows furrowed he looked at the small shelves and the pictures. Family pictures, some holiday memories and neat little angel statues at some of the portraits, small wooden crosses at others when the couple had run out of angels. The titanium had been harsh on them, taking their entire family except for one boy with a shaved head. 

“…the burglars took our silver too… We had some really expensive cutlery from the nineteenth century and that would probably go for a high prise at the…what do they call it? The black market?” the old man looked at his wife for confirmation and she gave him a quiet little nod. Levi glanced at the shaved boy.

“Where did you keep your silver?” he asked and the couple seemed a bit startled at his voice. Mrs Springer pointed to a white chest of drawers under the window and Levi opened the top drawer to look inside. Either the Springer’s had cleaned it up and messed with the investigation or the burglars had been very neat with their thievery. 

Maybe the burglar had felt a need to be gentle in this house in particular? 

“Where’s your grandson?” Levi picked up the picture and placed it at the table in front of the couple. “He’s gotten married or something?” 

“I don’t…see how that has to do with anything…” Mr Springer said and gave Erwin a questioning look. “We are talking about a burglary are we not?” 

Erwin seemed puzzled as well but he gave Levi a small nod to go on, wanting to see where Levi wanted to go with this.

“Yes we are. Did your grandson steal your silver?” Levi saw no point in going around the subject, the Springer’s were old and he didn’t want to waste time here. “The one breaking in had a key or you let him in, I see no other way of getting inside here.” 

Mrs Springer let out a soft gasp and she gripped her husbands hand tightly. She lowered her gaze to the table, her head heavy with what Levi assumed was shame. Mr Springer’s face got stern with anger and he opened his mouth to protest but Levi silenced him with a stare. “We all get fucked up from disasters like this, your grandson is no exception. We’ll get you your insurance money or whatever if you’re honest with us, understood?”

Erwin gave Levi an amused smile before he talked the couple through how their situation was going to be handled from now on. The police would try to find their grandson and bring him back to them and hopefully they would recover their cutlery too. When Erwin and Levi rode back to the station on one of the streetcars Erwin leaned back and sighed. “You are quite the troublemaker, Levi…” 

“Oh?” Levi raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms. He knew these kind of areas, he had grown up on their streets. When he was a kid, the streets had never been this empty but now that almost everyone got a fresh start whether they wanted it or not many had chosen to occupy the apartments close to the centre of the city. When they got the electricity working again they didn’t want to waste it on an unnecessarily big area. “How so?” 

“I don’t know who you where before and I won’t ask about it, but it’s clear you’ve never been one who give authorities much respect. Am I right about that?” Erwin looked terribly out of place in the dirty streetcar sprayed with graffiti. Next to him, people ridden by disease and poverty stared at what Levi could only assume was their bleak future before them.

“I show respect to people I know deserve it, nothing more and nothing less.” There weren’t a lot of people that deserved that respect though… Well, at least Levi showed respect to his boss and to Erwin, he did rank above him, and that was good enough. “Does that bother you?” 

“It surprised me.” Erwin always seemed to have full control of himself. Not always calm but always knowing what he felt and what he was expressing to his observers. “How did you know it was their grandson that did it?”

Levi sighed and sat down on one of the dirty seats when a passenger left the streetcar. “The burglar, or burglars if he had his friends helping him, left the home without making the slightest mess… or the grandparents cleaned everything up perfectly even though they knew that would make it harder for us to track the criminals. My guess is they wanted to get some money for the stolen things without having to turn their grandson in. And lucky for me, that’s exactly what happened.”

“I see… Either you are a very observant person or you have experience with these kinds of things… It doesn’t matter, your knowledge will probably be a good thing to have in this line of work.” Erwin didn’t hesitate before sitting down next to Levi as another person left the bus. 

“Don’t talk to me like I’m a new recruit or anything, I’ve been here for more than five years.” Levi was getting really tired of how good Erwin thought he was. Yes, Erwin was a good police but Levi was too. Probably better, he hadn’t been on a break since the titanium plagued the Earth. 

Erwin smiled, that smile always seemed amused when he talked with Levi, and he rested his arm on his briefcase. “I apologize for that. I keep forgetting that I’ve actually been of the force for quite a while.”

Levi raised an eyebrow and turned to look out the window instead. “I’ve noticed.” 

____________________________________________________________________________________________

After Levi found Eren he had struggled with getting them food. The government was quick enough with their food rations and he got a box full of baby things that had been collected from stores and hospitals. Money didn’t get back in use in town until after a few months so most of the people relied on what the city could give them.

Levi quickly realised that wasn’t enough.

He already had plenty of knowledge and experience when it came to house robbing and thievery and even with a baby on his back it was very easy to steal food from abandoned houses. He took everything canned he could carry and traded it for infant formula, any weapons he found he either hid or traded for fresh food. Levi kept a gun though, to protect himself and Eren if anyone got desperate enough to attack them. 

When he found Eren, he cleared the Jaeger house of anything he could make use of and carry. If he couldn’t carry it he would be back for it soon enough, like the cradle or the other baby supplies. What he didn’t check was the basement, he couldn’t find the key for it anywhere and even to this day it irritated him. Who knew what would be down there? Jams, pickled food, weapons, a pirates treasure? He had no idea! 

Of course he looked for the key a couple of times, after getting all the baby stuff out of there he searched the whole house, but he couldn’t find anything. He tried breaking in but the door remained firmly shut. 

It irritated him that he didn’t know what was hidden and that Eren wouldn’t know either. Levi couldn’t tell Eren much about his parents except for the few things he knew himself, and that really wasn’t a lot. 

Right now, Levi wished that he could tell Eren more. Maybe that might help him deal with the whole amputation thing, make him feel better about it if he knew what his parents might think about it. Of course Levi could ensure Eren that his parents would want what was best for him, what kept him safe and at his healthiest, but that was a thought too abstract. Levi had tried. 

He sighed, leaning back in the couch and placing the cup of tea down on the coaster. Eren sat quietly at his little desk and played with one of the toys from the TV shows he liked so much. Levi had searched through many houses to find the toys for Erens birthday. 

“Have I told you about my new co-worker, Eren?” Levi asked. He patted at the couch pillow next to him and Eren slowly raised himself before limping over. Levi didn’t want to bother with the small footstool and simply pulled Eren up beside him.

“You didn’t… Is there something special about him?” Eren seemed almost curious, an emotion Levi was glad to see. The days after being told about the amputation, Eren had been down and very silent. He had hardly said anything at all. 

Levi nodded and put his arm around Erens shoulder, pulling him a little bit closer. “He is a very strong man. I bet he could lift you up to sit on that shelf if he felt like it… “ Eren looked at the shelf that Levi couldn’t reach without something to stand on and when he looked back he had a small smile on his face. “But his physical strength isn’t all there is to him. He is strong in his mind too. Like the leader from your show.”

“Oh…” Eren tilted his head slightly. “I’ve never heard you talk good about a co-worker before. The others were all stupid and slow and you would work better alone than with them.” He grinned. “What’s so special about this guy?”

“Well, he is stupid and slow too… but he is a pretty good guy.” Levi didn’t want to praise Erwin, that would only give him higher horses to stand on. “And he is kind of similar to you.”

Now Eren was getting interested, Levi could tell. He couldn’t keep still. “How is he similar to me?”

Levi shook his shoulders. “Strong, pretty smart…can be really annoying…” He looked down at Eren with a little smile at the corner of his mouth. “You know, you two could really get along together…”

“What do you mean?” Eren was getting a bit impatient, he knew Levi was planning something. 

“I was thinking about inviting him over. For dinner or something.” Levi saw Erens smile pale a bit and he raised an eyebrow. “You should get to meet some new people, Eren. Me and the doctors aren’t nearly enough.” 

“Yeah, but…” Eren hesitated before he continued, kicking lightly with his healthy leg. “What if he…fears me like all the others? Have you warned him?”

“He won’t fear you. Erwin isn’t much like anyone I’ve ever met before.” Levi ruffled Erens hair and his small smile grew a bit wider.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I'm really sorry for being so slow with updates, my working hours right now are terrible! But please remember to comment, comments make my day! <3)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for keeping you waiting! My summer was hectic and I really didn't have time to write! I'll try to get back to writing much more often.   
> (This chapter is short, but the next one will be longer. Promise! <3)

“What are you looking at, Eren?” Levi sipped at his tea. They had a late breakfast at 8 am this morning because of a reschedule in Levis working shifts, that meant that Eren should be awake enough to make conversation but all he did was stare out the window. Maybe Eren was worried about the meeting with Erwin they were planning, maybe it was the whole amputation thing that made his mind wander… Of course, he could be looking at a funny dog on the street for all Levi knew. 

“Oh…” Eren looked up slightly startled before shrugging and pouring himself more milk. “Nothing… were you talking about anything just now?”

Levi raised an eyebrow and sat up a bit to lean towards the window. Outside small birds were making their nests or gathering food for their youngsters, some of the streetcars where in traffic… then Levi realised what Eren had been looking at. 

“Ah… they’ll be late for school.” He mused. The children running past their house and along the road had heavy backpacks and lunches in brown paper bags. “Heh, they must have missed their streetcar.” 

“Yeah…” Erens voice was glum and he pushed a piece of omelette into his mouth. He chewed slower and slower as he got lost in thought again.

“Hm…” Levi had been hesitant to bring the subject up but he might as well. It was one of the many things Eren would need to face someday and Levi was doing him no good trying to shelter him like this. “Aren’t you almost seven years old now?”

Eren nodded. “Yeah… why?” 

Levi was quiet for a while before answering. “That means you should go to school soon.” Of course Eren wouldn’t want to go to a place with other children, healthy children, and their fearful parents. He had had enough of that, had suffered all too much of it. 

It was silent again except for Erens slow chewing and he took his time before he swallowed. “I guess…you can’t home-school me…? Or something like that.”

“No.” Levi had though about it too but it was a very bad idea. “Without my salary right now we can’t pay for your treatments…and I really am no teacher… Not with the things that you should learn at school. Heh, I hardly could read before I was a teenager.” 

Levi hadn’t been a dumb kid, or had had any learning disabilities. There was simply never an opportunity to go to school and learn things with his background. When he finally taught himself how to read it had been because of the titanium and the boredom he suffered from locking himself up in his apartment. After a while the newspapers had looked interesting enough. 

“But… I really don’t want to…Is there no special school for kids like me?” Erens eyes briefly widened with hope but when Levi sighed and shook his head the hope was quick to leave him.

“There is, but it’s too expensive.” The teacup had gotten cold and Levi refilled the electric water boiler before clicking it on. He still had time before he had to go to work, he could pour himself another cup. “We can’t afford it with your hospital bills and the apartment rent.” Sometimes Levi wondered if Eren wouldn’t have been better off with two parents instead of only Levi as a caretaker. Sometimes he wondered if Eren hadn’t been better off at the orphanage Levi never left him at. 

No, he wouldn’t have been. Who would have adopted him? A child suffering titanium would never had been chosen amongst the healthy and pretty looking. Levi might not be the best parent material there was but he was sure Eren was better off with him than he would have been if Levi had left him with the other orphans. 

When Eren had been silent for too long, Levi decided to try to be a bit inspirational. Maybe that would be what Eren needed. “You know Eren… if you go to school without showing uneasiness or acting like you don’t belong there, you would be a pretty big inspiration for anyone else suffering the disease. You could show them that it’s okay and that you won’t be held down because of it. How does that sound?” 

For a few seconds Erens eyes shone. Levi knew what the boy was like, he wanted the world to be free and open again. Eren wanted everyone to be free and to not be kept in their houses because of fear. But then Eren simply shook his shoulders and sighed. He sounded all too much like an old man, Levi thought.

“I… I would want to show them that… but what do I do when they start screaming at me? Or throw stones… or get their parents to come and save them from me?” Eren looked out the window for a while before he turned to Levi. “I just don’t want to go to school if I have to go through that everyday!” 

Levi sipped at his tea to give himself a moment to think. It was true of course. Eren had been through it far too many times to believe any lie Levi would tell about how good it would be. How different it would be to go to school. Why the children there would be different from the ones in the park.

“I wont pretend that that’s not a possibility. But you have to remember that we don’t actually know what will happen. Maybe the school environment can be a bit different when they are under teachers surveillance? We don’t know that.” Levi glanced at the clock on the wall and finished the tea quickly so he could put the cup in the sink. “   
I won’t force you to go to school but remember that I can’t be your teacher and without education you’ll have a rough life ahead of you.”

“I don’t already?” It was unusual of Eren to use that kind of tone against Levi and Levi almost reprimanded him for it, he didn’t have time to do it though. He pulled on his jacket and boots. 

“Well, if you don’t fight for yourself… who’s going to?” Levi put the milk and butter back in the refrigerator and ruffled Erens hair before he left. He hoped Eren wouldn’t sit there moping for too long.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to everyone who has commented, bookmarked and given me kudos! Please don't be afraid to comment <3
> 
> (Hello! I just want everyone to know that I will finish this story, it's just taking me some time cause I'm not in a great spot right now. But I love all of you and you are the best readers I could have! Please don't loose faith in me <3)

Wet and raspy coughs woke Levi up that night. 

It was around 2 am, right before Eren was supposed to get his shot, and Levi turned the alarm off before sitting up and sliding his feet into his slippers. At first he didn’t really feel the need to hurry, the room was chilly and catching a cold wasn’t a problem he wanted to add to the pile of obstacles, but after getting up he realised that something was wrong. The coughs sounded wet, thick with mucus, and there were small whines in between. Levi knew the symptoms, he grabbed the medicine bag and ran to Erens room. 

After opening the door, Levi faced the nightmare that had plagued his sleep ever since Erens disease spread to his arm. Thick red phlegm trickled over Erens chin and patches of it stained the blanket. Erens skin had a sickly grey hue and when he looked up at Levi his eyes were red from the painful coughing. The purple and rust-red titanium spots had crept up over his collarbone and to his neck, like flowers they were dark in the middle and stretched out over his skin. Levis clenched his teeth, furrowing his eyebrows, and he put the bag down on the bedside table. No point in giving him a shot anymore..

“I’ll get you some water so you can rinse your mouth.” He said and lightly patted Erens head. Levi had to be calm, if he couldn’t be steady and collected, Eren would be even more stressed. Levi didn’t know if stress worsened the symptoms but he didn’t want to risk it. While pouring water into a glass he called the hospital so that they would be ready to receive them. He had planned to drive Eren to the emergency ward himself because there weren’t a lot of ambulances in motion, not enough drivers, but the hospital insisted on sending one. Levi wasn’t stupid enough to object. After choosing a bucket they could afford to throw away, he returned to Eren and sat down next to him.

“Here you go. Rinse and spit. We don’t want you swallowing that.” Levi held the bucket in front of Eren and helped him get water in his mouth. He patted his back and slowly massaged circles to make it easier for Eren to get the stuff out of him. There were some rumours that if a victim of the disease swallowed the mucus when it started producing the titanium would spread faster and Levi certainly didn’t want them proven right. “We’ll get an ambulance here soon, so don’t worry. Okay?” 

Eren couldn’t answer, Levi didn’t know if he could even understand what Levi was saying right now. There was always pain when spreading and now that it was getting to his throat the struggle of breathing made it worse. 

“You remember what I said about fighting for yourself? You should do that now.” Levi wasn’t one to talk much but he was pretty sure Eren needed it right now. Maybe he talked a bit for himself too, though he didn’t say the words that were spinning around in his head and making him dizzy. Fight for me too, Eren. I don’t know what I’ll do if I loose you.

In times like these Levi wondered if the disease, the plague, had a personal issue with him. He was selfish to think like that of course, but after loosing all of his friends to it and now having Eren dying in his arms too… If the titanium was a creature that could be hurt, Levi would chop it up before it knew what hit it. 

Eren probably had too much to think about to realize what his coughing and the marks up his neck now had made final, but Levi knew. His chest was heavy and so thick the air felt trapped in his lungs, making it hard to breathe steady. There was no time for Eren to make a decision anymore; the disease had to be removed from his body immediately. 

His arm and leg had to be amputated and there was nothing they could do about it.

 

There were many examinations that Eren had to go through before they could perform his surgery. Doctors and nurses measured and took samples of the deformed parts, they wrote down results after checking his eyes and his breathing and they asked Levi so many questions he couldn’t answer too that he almost wondered if he had been with Eren at all during their years together. A tube had been put in Erens throat to make sure nothing got to his stomach, and a small catheter for medicine was inserted into a vein on his arm. Erens pyjamas laid in pieces in the trashcan after they cut him out of it, Levi could fix it of course but it was about time Eren got a new one. Eren would probably need a lot of new things now. 

“I really wish you’d wake up soon, Eren.” Levi sighed and rubbed his temples to ease the ache throbbing in his forehead. “There are some things we should talk about…well, I’d probably do all the talking but still…” 

They didn’t need Erens consent to the surgery, Levi was his caretaker and could make the decision for him. But Levi wanted Eren to know what they were going to do. He wanted to make sure Eren understood what was going to happen and what he was going to wake up without. 

“Tch… I guess I have to call Erwin and tell him I’m not coming to work tomorrow. You really complicate things for me sometimes, you little brat.” Of course Levi didn’t mean the things he said. He just wanted some of the bitterness out of his system. “God, I wish they could take my limbs instead. I’ve already had them for over thirty years…” 

Some doctor had brought a few brochures about prosthetic limbs even though almost all of them were crossed over with a black marker. “Not in production”. There simply weren’t a lot of them being made anymore, there had to be workers for the more important jobs before they could place people to create things like prostheses. And even though some of the prostheses that weren’t crossed over would fit Eren, they were all too expensive. Levi would have to sell both his kidneys on the black market to afford any of them. 

They were going to remove his left arm completely, his left leg right at his leg and skin on his neck had to be removed too. They had to replace parts of his throat and every trace off the titanium they could find would be cut out. Levi wondered if there would be anything left of Erens body when they were finished. “We waited for too long, Eren.” He sighed and sipped at the cheap hospital coffee. 

“Ung….ungh?” Erens eyelids twitched a bit before opening and he squinted at the bright hospital light. He searched for Levi and when he found him he looked a little bit more at ease. still very confused though. 

“Do you remember why you are here? What happened before we got here?” Levi put his coffee cup on the table and pulled his chair closer to the bed. When Eren answered him with a small headshake Levi nodded to his arm. “It spread. It got to your throat so they have to remove it.” 

Erens eyes widened. He tried to protest but the tube only allowed small gurgling noises and he grimaced because of the pain. His arm and leg looked absurd under the thin hospital blanket but Levi knew that it would look even more bizarre when they weren’t there at all. 

After letting Eren calm himself Levi decided to tell Eren exactly what was happening. No white lies about prosthetic limbs, no sweet fairy tale. Levi had never been one to not tell things exactly how they were. 

“Last night you started coughing blood and slime. The marks has reached your neck…” Levi reached for a small mirror and held it so Eren could see the marks for himself. “You know the rules; when it reaches your neck, there’s no time for miracles anymore. But it’s not the end of you, Eren, remember that. You’re not any less of a person just because you-“

A nurse’s entry interrupted Levi and he fell silent, observing her as she checked the machinery and the IV. She brought a pungent smell of medicine and hospital food with her, if there was anything positive about Erens condition, it was that the face mask saved him from the strong scent. 

As the nurse made Eren ready for the operation, Levi realized that reality had moved past him and he had a hard time catching up. He wasn’t ready for this, he had actually believed that there could be a real cure somewhere and that Eren would keep his limbs. It was stupid, such a typical thought, but he had wanted to see Eren run. To be able to play with other kids. There would be no running for a very long time, not until they could afford the prosthetic limbs. 

“We are almost ready to perform the surgery.” The nurse had a stiff tone, probably not the first nor the last patient she had to prepare for a surgery today. The hospital was undermanned and many of the nurses and administrators hadn’t even studied medicine before they started working there. “We have estimated the surgery to take at least six hours, but that’s the lowest possible. I’ll be right back.”

Levi sat silent for a while, he had no idea about what he could say to make Eren feel better. Slowly he leant forward and took Erens healthy hand in his own. “You’re not any less of a person just because they are removing your am and leg…” The words got trapped in the back of his throat but Levi forced them out. Eren needed comfort right now. Any comfort he could get. “You know… after we get out of this sterile smellhole, you’ll feel so light you’ll spring up like a feather. No more infections and no more pain. And we won’t have to cut up and sew zippers on all your clothes.” 

Maybe there was a hint of a smile on Erens face, maybe it was only Levis wishful thinking. When they rolled his bed out of the hospital room he seemed calmer and when Levi raised himself up to go home and get Eren some clothes and games a small movement from Erens bed caught his attention. It was a faint motion because Eren was exhausted but it was a thumbs up. Levi stared at it.

“You…really know me too well, Eren.” He sat down again and leaned his elbows on his knees. With a soft chuckle he finished his coffee and threw the paper cup in the trashcan. “Act your age, kid. I’m supposed to be the parent here.”


End file.
